Estimated reading time: 10–12 minutes

What You Will Learn

• The four key dimensions that define trust in any relationship.

• How each dimension can be strengthened or broken by daily behavior.

• Why trust is a choice and a practice, not a fixed trait.

• Practical ways to rebuild trust after it’s been damaged.

• How to apply Feltman’s model in coaching, teamwork, and personal growth.

Introduction: Why Trust Is the Core Currency of Human Connection

Trust is not a luxury — it’s a necessity. It shapes the quality of every interaction we have, from our most intimate relationships to the largest organizations. Without trust, communication falters, collaboration declines, and creativity suffocates.

As Stephen Covey wrote, “Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.”

Charles Feltman, an executive coach and author, distilled decades of experience into a slim yet powerful guide: The Thin Book of Trust (2008). Despite its brevity — just over 60 pages — it’s one of the clearest articulations of how trust actually works. Feltman defines trust simply as:

“Choosing to risk making something you value vulnerable to another person’s actions.”

This definition highlights two key truths:

1. Trust involves vulnerability — allowing someone else to affect what matters to you.

2. Trust is a choice — you decide whether or not to take that risk.

From this foundation, Feltman outlines four dimensions of trust that make or break our ability to rely on others — and to be relied upon ourselves.

The Four Dimensions of Trust

According to Feltman, trust is built (or eroded) through behaviors in four dimensions:

1. Sincerity

2. Reliability

3. Competence

4. Care

Each represents a distinct way in which we assess whether someone is trustworthy — or not.

Let’s explore each in detail.

1. Sincerity: Saying What You Mean and Meaning What You Say

Definition:
Sincerity means that your words genuinely reflect what you think, feel, and intend.

When someone is sincere, they are honest and transparent. They don’t say what others want to hear; they say what they actually believe — with integrity and respect.

Why it matters:
Without sincerity, trust crumbles because people can’t rely on your words. Even if you’re skilled and well-intentioned, insincerity creates suspicion. Others begin to wonder: What’s the real agenda?

How to build it:

• Speak truthfully, even when uncomfortable.

• Clarify your intentions upfront.

• Admit when you don’t know something.

• Keep your promises, even small ones.

• Avoid half-truths and strategic omissions.

How it’s broken:

• Saying one thing and doing another.

• Withholding key information.

• Flattering or manipulating to gain advantage.

In coaching and leadership, sincerity translates to authenticity. When people sense that you’re genuine — not performing — they feel safe enough to be open and honest in return.

2. Reliability: Doing What You Say You Will Do

Definition:
Reliability is about keeping commitments and following through on promises. It’s the behavioral backbone of trust — consistency over time.

Why it matters:
Reliability transforms intention into action. Without it, sincerity means little. People may believe you care and mean well, but if you fail to deliver repeatedly, trust erodes.

How to build it:

• Make clear agreements — don’t overpromise.

• Track your commitments and communicate progress.

• Say “no” when you can’t meet expectations.

• Renegotiate agreements early when circumstances change.

How it’s broken:

• Missing deadlines without explanation.

• Forgetting commitments or failing to update others.

• Making excuses instead of taking accountability.

Reliability breeds psychological safety in teams. When members consistently do what they say they’ll do, collaboration becomes smoother and less stressful. Everyone can focus on outcomes rather than guarding against disappointment.

3. Competence: Having the Ability to Do What You Commit To

Definition:
Competence means having the knowledge, skills, and capacity to perform tasks effectively.

Why it matters:
Even with sincerity and reliability, if you lack competence, others can’t trust that you’ll achieve what’s needed. Competence isn’t about perfection — it’s about demonstrating learning, growth, and responsibility for results.

How to build it:

• Stay current in your field; keep learning.

• Ask for help or training when needed.

• Deliver work that meets agreed standards.

• Be transparent about your limits — don’t fake expertise.

How it’s broken:

• Overestimating your abilities.

• Ignoring feedback or refusing to learn.

• Taking on roles you’re not equipped for.

Competence is critical in professional relationships. When teams feel confident in each other’s skills, they collaborate with ease. When they don’t, micromanagement and anxiety take over.

4. Care: Having the Other Person’s Best Interest at Heart

Definition:
Care means that you genuinely consider how your actions affect others — that you hold their well-being, not just your own, in mind.

Why it matters:
Care is the emotional dimension of trust. You can be sincere, reliable, and competent — yet still untrustworthy if people feel you don’t care about them.

As Feltman puts it, “People tend to trust you if they believe you are concerned about their interests as well as your own.”

How to build it:

• Listen actively and empathetically.

• Take time to understand others’ perspectives.

• Consider the human impact before making decisions.

• Show gratitude and appreciation.

How it’s broken:

• Acting only for personal gain.

• Ignoring others’ needs or feelings.

• Blaming or criticizing without understanding context.

Care creates the emotional bond that turns transactions into relationships. It’s the dimension that transforms trust from a mechanical checklist into a living connection.

Trust Is a Choice — and a Practice

Feltman emphasizes that trust is not something fixed or permanent. It’s an ongoing practice of making small choices that demonstrate sincerity, reliability, competence, and care.

Each time you interact with someone, you’re either building or diminishing trust — there is no neutral.

This insight mirrors the findings of social psychologist John Gottman, who found that stable relationships are built through “small moments of trustworthiness” — tiny daily acts that accumulate into deep security over time (Gottman, 2011).

The key takeaway: trust is built incrementally through consistent, observable behavior — not grand gestures.

How to Rebuild Trust When It’s Broken

No relationship is free from breaches of trust. We all make mistakes, disappoint others, or fail to deliver. What matters is how we respond afterward.

Feltman suggests a four-step process for rebuilding trust:

1. Acknowledge the breakdown.
   Name it directly. Pretending nothing happened deepens the damage.

2. Take responsibility.
   Avoid defensiveness. Own your role without minimizing it.

3. Apologize and express genuine care.
   Show that you understand the impact of your actions.

4. Make new agreements and follow through.
   Demonstrate change through behavior, not promises.

Rebuilding trust takes time — but it’s possible. As Brené Brown notes, “Trust is built in small moments. It’s earned through the practice of our values.”

Applying the Four Dimensions in Coaching and Leadership

For coaches, leaders, and teams, Feltman’s model provides a powerful framework for both self-assessment and relational growth.

In coaching:
A coach’s credibility rests on these four dimensions. Clients open up only when they perceive sincerity, reliability, competence, and care.

• Sincerity builds authenticity and psychological safety.

• Reliability strengthens the coaching alliance.

• Competence assures the client of professional value.

• Care makes the relationship human and healing.

In leadership:
Leaders often underestimate how their behavior signals (or undermines) trust. According to the Edelman Trust Barometer (2024), people today trust “my employer” more than any other institution — a reminder that organizational culture starts with leaders’ daily actions.

Leaders who act with consistency, clarity, and compassion create ripple effects: higher engagement, lower turnover, and stronger collaboration.

In teams:
Teams thrive when trust flows both ways. Feltman’s four dimensions can be used as a reflective tool during team check-ins or retrospectives:

• Are we sincere with one another?

• Do we keep our promises?

• Do we trust each other’s competence?

• Do we genuinely care about each other’s success?

These questions spark meaningful dialogue and build collective awareness — essential for high-performance cultures.

Why Trust Matters Now More Than Ever

In today’s digital, fast-changing world, trust is the ultimate competitive advantage. Research by Harvard’s Frances Frei (2020) shows that when trust breaks down, it’s usually because one of these three elements falters:

• Authenticity (sincerity),

• Logic (competence), or

• Empathy (care).

Her findings align perfectly with Feltman’s model. Organizations that prioritize trust — through transparency, accountability, and empathy — outperform those that don’t.

Moreover, neuroscientific studies (Zak, 2017) reveal that trust literally changes brain chemistry: when people feel trusted, their brains release oxytocin, which fosters cooperation, creativity, and well-being.

In other words, trust isn’t just a moral virtue — it’s a biological and economic imperative.

Practical Ways to Cultivate Trust Daily

Building trust doesn’t require grand gestures. It grows through consistent, mindful behavior. Here are some small but powerful practices inspired by The Thin Book of Trust:

1. Check your intentions. Before speaking or acting, ask: “Am I being sincere right now?”

2. Be transparent. Share reasoning behind decisions, even when outcomes are uncertain.

3. Deliver reliably. Start with small commitments and meet them consistently.

4. Invest in learning. Strengthen your competence through curiosity and humility.

5. Listen with empathy. Don’t rush to respond — seek to understand first.

6. Own your mistakes. Accountability builds far more trust than perfection.

7. Recognize effort. Appreciation strengthens the bond of care.

Over time, these practices create what Feltman calls a “trustworthy identity” — a way of being that others can depend on.

Conclusion: Trust as the Foundation of Flourishing Relationships

Trust may be intangible, but its effects are visible everywhere — in the strength of teams, the loyalty of customers, and the warmth of friendships.

The Thin Book of Trust reminds us that trust is not an abstract ideal or a fragile emotion. It’s a practice of integrity, reliability, skill, and care — enacted moment by moment.

As Feltman writes:

“Trust is built and destroyed in small moments. What matters is being aware of those moments and making wise choices.”

In a world of complexity and uncertainty, cultivating trust is perhaps the most radical — and human — act we can choose.

References

• Brown, B. (2018). Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts. Random House.

• Covey, S. R. (1989). The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Free Press.

• Edelman Trust Barometer (2024). Global Report on Trust in Institutions. Edelman.

• Feltman, C. (2008). The Thin Book of Trust: An Essential Primer for Building Trust at Work. Thin Book Publishing.

• Frei, F., & Morriss, A. (2020). Unleashed: The Unapologetic Leader’s Guide to Empowering Everyone Around You. Harvard Business Review Press.

• Gottman, J. (2011). The Science of Trust: Emotional Attunement for Couples. W.W. Norton & Company.

• Zak, P. (2017). The Neuroscience of Trust. Harvard Business Review, January–February Issue.